Struggles of a Teenage Girl

We all have our daily struggles in life.  Some of them conquer well over others.  What I want to focus on is insecurities.  As a 16 year old teenage girl I know all about insecurities.  High school is basically a place where you get judged knowingly and unknowingly.  Some people are judged on their bodies, their style, their attitude, and other assets of themselves.  It is hard for some people to go about their lives being as happy.  Most always there is something someone said about them, or they're thinking negatively about themselves.  High school messes with the mind and attitude of the teenage girls in more way than one.

Tethered to the open and free mind of a teenage girl is insecurity.  Lurking on every corner can be a new attack on something they did or said.  Anyone can escape the sayings and thoughts of others, but it's another thing to be able to escape the thoughts of your own mind.  Being a teenage girl I will admit that I have some insecurities myself.  There's always something someone wants to fix about themselves, as the saying goes, no body's perfect.  We all want to be perfect, so we look at all the imperfections we have and we need to fix every little crack in our mirrors or else we will be outcasts.

Having the right body type is critical to most teenage and older women.  Being skinny is what everyone thinks is attractive.  Famous people flaunt that being skinny is the way to go, and having insecurities, girls want to be just like them or they aren't happy with themselves.  What ever happened to wanting to be happy for you own sake?  It seems like every person around the world is trying to look or be like someone else.  Role models are good, but that can only be taken so far.  It's hard to find someone who strives for their own happiness by completing their own goals and going after what they want for themselves, rather than trying to be like someone else.

The mind is a serious and brutal thing.  It can be cruel and nice to you all at once.  Saying to yourself before you leave for school, "I look great" you think you really do, but then you see yourself in the mirror and the mind instantly takes over, picking out every single thing that may be wrong with what you may be wearing or what you look like.  It's how the teenage mind works.  It's always playing games, always finding new tricks to play on you.  To be stronger than your own mind, you have to be confident in yourself.  Only do what you want to do, and push out all of those bad thoughts you may think about yourself.  You are your biggest critic.  The only person who can come over your mind, is yourself.  Only you can make you feel what you want to feel.  It's all up to you.

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." 

- Albert Einstein

Strong Bonds

Over this past weekend, I went on an Episcopal Youth Diocese Church Retreat.  I have been going to these twice a year, for seven years.  I've been to Waycross over 10 times in my lifetime and I'm not ready to let it go yet.  The people I meet there, the memories I make, the tears I shed, are all things that have changed my life in such a positive way.  Without Waycross I would've never developed strong friendships with people I know today.  I would probably have never met them either.  I am so thankful that I am able to go see these people twice a year, and make life long memories with them.  I don't know where I would be without it.

There are two church retreats.  One is in the fall and one is in the spring.  Each time we go there is a new theme that we center our weekend around.  An endless amount of problems with infinite solutions.  Each time I go there, I learn something new, something I never would have known if I just stayed home and watched TV all weekend.  For a weekend our relationships with our phones, iPods, and other technological devices are severed so we can get closer to one another and get a break from our life back home.  At first I didn't like this at all, I wanted to listen to my music and text my friends all weekend.  As I grew older, I began to appreciate that they made us unplug from the world and actually focus on something that wasn't a small screen.  We actually connect with people and with God and with ourselves.  It's truly the best part.

One down side is that we sit around a lot.  We watch power points made by the YSC (youth steering committee) and listen to them talk about what our problem topic is of the weekend and then discuss on how there may be potential solutions.  At the end of the weekend, your knees ache, your butt is sore, and your elbows hurt, but through it all we all still have a fantastic weekend.  Waycross also has a way of draining every single ounce of energy from the body.  Waking up early and going to bed late are some components as to why everyone is exhausted when they get home.  We always have an activity to do, we are never just sitting around and doing nothing.  We are always busy and we are always putting our minds to work.

At the end of the retreat, we have a Eucharist.  A night where we celebrate God and worship and pray for us and for the needs of others.  People who need to get some weight off their chest go up to get blessed by a pastor or priest.  The night usually ends in tears and lots and lots of hugs.  It all may sound sad, but it just brings us all together.  One of the major beauties of Waycross is being able to let everything go, to be yourself, and not be judged about it at all.

Without Waycross I wouldn't some of the amazing friends that I have today.  I seem to be closer to my Waycross friends then I am with my school friends.  It's just how it all plays out, it's a safe haven.  Sadly I can't go after my Senior year, and that makes me so sad.  Once my kids are old enough, they will go to Waycross, and I'll be right there to chaperon and watch as my kids relive my childhood.

We all strive towards perfection

Perfection. 

 We have all had an idea as to what the picture of perfection may be.  Whether it may be through your physical being or mental being.  Most girls want to be model skinny and have a beautiful face.  Most guys want a perfect body that everyone loves.  Usually, one doesn't want to become "perfect" for themselves, they want to achieve "perfection" to please someone else.  Their parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.  We all rarely do things we want to do anymore, our lives seem to revolve around what others think.  Why not become perfect?  Because true perfection doesn't exist.

Nobody living on this earth may become perfect, no matter what he or she does or how hard he or she work towards it.  A human being cannot obtain perfection; every single human being has flaws, cracks in their mirrors to separate themselves from the reflections of others.  Each crack is a unique flaw that a person different from another.  If we all want to be perfect, what would distinguish us from a person across the room?  An American Dream for someone may be to become perfect (a super model or a model) and to be that way for the rest of his or her lives.  Although models may look perfect, they aren't.  As I said before, all human beings have flaws. We can't run from our mistakes, we can't make up for our wrong doings.  They stick with us for the rest of our lives and we have to deal with it.

A way to have stability in a life is to become happy with yourself.  Once you are happy with yourself, you can push out those voices in your head that say, you're fat or that you're ugly.  The only opinion that really truly matters is your own.  No one has control over your thoughts, only you are given the controls.  YOU choose whether you love yourself or not.  You choose whether you want to be happy with your life.  YOU get to choose.  

So why let someone else do your job, when you can complete it so easily?

Prediction

We all have some sort of vision as to what our future may be like. Whether it is in our love lives, our social lives, jobs, etc. Everything changes, may it be a positive or a negative change. Nothing can stay the same, it's just simply impossible.  We'd all like to think that our lives can stay the same for years and years, but reality has to take the reins and change our course whether we like it or not.  I am not sure where my life is going right now, but I know I have a future.  It may be bright or it may be dark, it all depends on how I act now.  20 years from now I will be 36 (yikes!) and I don't know what life may be like for me or around me.  I do have an idea of what it may look like, and I think it's pretty predictable.

 Now a day, everyone seems to have an iPhone, iPod, or an iPad.  It's just now that there are so many more technological options.  When I was younger, I had my coloring book and my crayons at age 10.  My younger brother got his first phone at the age of 10.  So many people wrap their lives around their own technology.  Video games, plasma flat screen TVs, phones, computers, etc.  It's hard to hold back on the new shiny objects that come out every week it seems.  Once you get a new phone, a nicer, better one comes out a week later.  Technology is advancing so quickly that it may soon consume our lives.

 20 years from now, I think technology will be so advanced that we may have eye wear that can give directions, and has applications on it.  We may have cars that can drive themselves.  Younger children will be spoiled with newer phones and gaming devices that they may grow up to be fully consumed in the technological world that they won't care about what they personally look like.  We are advanced, but we are advancing so quickly that we may be consumed by it all together.

 I like going outside, I like to see nature at its best.  Not look at it from a picture on some social media website or from the internet.  In 20 years, that may be the case though.  We may just all sit at home, working from our phones or computers and never have to take a step outside into the real world.  Change is coming, I just hope it won't be as drastic as I imagine.

What's the big idea?

Everyone has a set goal that one day they'd be able to accomplish or have accomplished.  There are several goals that I would like to achieve one day.  Get married, have 2 children, get my PhD, along those lines.  What I'm focusing on now is the major goal that I have completed earlier in life.  It's not hugely affected my life, but it has made an impact.  Some say it's not even a hard thing, others like to think that it's scary, I think it's a great achievement that comes with hard work and dedication.  My huge past goal was jumping my first Equestrian 3-foot jump.

Yes, it may not see all that glamorous to some of you reading this, but let me tell you how much time and effort went into that particular achievement.  I had started riding horses since I was 6 years old  (pony rides don't count).  I've always loved horses, and not just riding them.  I used to be afraid of normal sized horses when I was younger.  Since I was a tiny person, normal sized horses seemed huge! I didn't want to be that high off the ground, and when I was put on one of the horses, I started to cry.  So needless to say, I stuck with ponies for a while.  When I reached the age of 8, I went to a camp that offered horseback riding.  I wanted to do it so badly, and my parents signed me up.  I had the best time.

That started my passion of horseback riding.  Since then I have done shows, taught kids how to properly ride a horse, and became proficient in all things horse like.  Just recently though, I learned how to jump on a horse.  No, I don't mean jumping up and down on the horses back.  I mean me and the horse moving as one over an obstacle and being able to land it without any complications.  Before I hit the real jumps though, I needed to start small.

Polls.  They became my best friend for a solid 4 months of my jumping training.  In order for me to get started on working towards the big stuff, I had to go small.  Horse jumping pools are long, hollow polls that can be draped across anything like two bales of hay, or two barrels.  Mine, started flat on the ground.  Trotting (like a human jog) over them was just about the most exciting part of those first lessons.  I had done stuff like that before, so I basically thought it was a waste of time.  It really wasn't though.  It was a crucial foundation that I needed in order to get used to moving over a raised object.  If my horse and I just went straight into jumping, either of us could be hurt in the process.

After a few weeks, my instructor began to move the polls in different positions.  Three in a row, two right next to each other, and so on.  This would teach the horse to pick up its feet, so that it wouldn't trip and fall over my future jump.  Cantering (like a human run) over the polls was the next step.  That took more effort then I expected.  Cantering over the polls would tell the horse that speed was necessary in order to make the jump.  The entire time doing these drills, I had to be in the Jockey position.  Up out of the saddle, hands up on the neck, back straight, looking right ahead of you.  Needless to say, it was a workout.

Finally after all that preparation, I was able to try a raised jump.  Nothing too fancy, but at least it was something.  It took a while for me and my horse to get the hang of it, but in due time we finally made a clean jump! After weeks and weeks of trying different combination of, we were finally able to try a higher jump.  With set determination, and all my practice behind me, I set myself up for the 3-foot jump.  Cantering towards it, my horse flew over it with such grace it was almost perfect.  I had just landed a high jump, and I was so proud of myself.

This shows that you can set any goal, and with determination you can complete it!  Never give up on something that you know you can do.  It's the simple idea that you can complete something, something that may or may not be hard, and that one day you can actually do it.  Just a simple idea put into actions, it's amazing.

All It Takes Is A Spark

Just a small spark, an encounter with someone new, is all it takes to make a roaring fire.  The first time making eye contact with that boy/girl in the hallway, can be all it takes to set your heart on fire. Love.  It’s a powerful word for someone young to say.  It has a friendly meaning to it, but also a deeper more compassionate side to it.  Anything can set off that spark, almost any encounter with any person. For me, it was an ice rink (of all places) where I first felt the word “Love”.

 He wasn’t the guy I was expecting to meet that night though.  It was suppose to be his friend.  His friend (Ryan) decided to say that “he didn’t like socializing while skating”.  So that was a dud.  His friend Brian started to talk to me that night though.  He had conversations with me, he and I shared laughter, we had a much better time together then I would have had with Ryan.  It was really unexpected, but I vividly remember the night.

 All it took was that first word spoken, and he had me hooked.  Nothing special, no flowers, shiny jewelry, none of that.  It was just how he carried himself and how he was to me at that moment, that it was just so alluring to me. 

 This happened a year and a month ago exactly.

 Today, Brian and I are now dating.  We have been together ever since 10.14.11.  That’s over a year.  To me is amazing that I can have such a strong relationship like this, at such a young age. 

 And all it took,

 Was a spark

Who stands on top of their mountain?

Have you reached your peak?  Your best of you best? Gave life that big punch in the gut, and won it all?  Not many people can say they've got it all.  Some work well into their senior years still striving to reach their final goal.  Personally, I think my mother has achieved the American Dream.  She takes care of me (that's a hard job) and my brother everyday.  She has a husband and a loving dog named Frank. She basically treats swimming, biking, and running like it's her job.  Even though she has all of this on her plate, she still manages to wake up in the morning with a smile on her face.  My caregiver, my boss, my best friend, my mom, has reached the top of her mountain.

It's not everyday that you get to go about your day doing whatever your heart desires (unless you have tons of money or tons of free time).  As it seems, there is always something to do.  To me, my mom never appears to have "down time".  She wakes up around 7:00 a.m. (on good mornings) and doesn't stop working until around 7:00-8:00p.m. My mom is a dedicated triathlete, she does it even in her sleep!  My mom lives in workout clothes.  Its pretty much all she wears.  My mom loves biking, she has all the latest gear.  The top-notch bike, the fab new helmet, and the coolest gloves.  My mom could live on her bike if she really wanted to.  Just recently she went on a 100-mile bike ride through southern Indiana, could you do that?  She also is a half Ironman.  She completed 70.3 miles of biking, swimming, and running.  Took her under 7 hours to do it all, but what a feat! She plans to do a full Ironman (140.6 miles) by year 2014. Never in all of my years could I be able to do such a thing.

Like all of us, my mom goes through stresses everyday.  She meets obstacles, she goes through hardships, and she is no super hero.  She does go through life as though nothing can hold her back, she knows how to keep her head high and trudge on, even through the thickest of negativity.  Can we all say that we can do this?  It's very hard to do.

My mom has pretty much always wanted to be a writer.  In college, she wanted to become a reporter.  Travel the world, meet exciting people, all that jazz.  Instead, she worked as a waitress in a bar, and danced on tables.  If it wasn't for that job, she would've never met my dad, and I wouldn't be around to be typing this entry.  Everything happens for a reason, right?  A few years ago my mom began to pick up writing again.  Dusted off her laptop, bought herself a new at-home working station, and began to rediscover her old love.  She began to write a book, sort of a story about her life, through someone else's eyes.  She has been doing an amazing job with it.  She is still working on it, even after a few years!  Currently, my mom has a blog.  She submits a new entry almost every day it seems.  She can't get enough!  They're all wonderful entries though, I try to read them all.

My mom has been able to do all that she has wanted to do.

Completed each task she has given and jumped over every obstacle put in front of her.  I can easily say that I'm very proud of her and that she will continue doing these things even into her old and brittle years.  My brother and I are there for her, even if it doesn't always seem like it.  She has a loving family, tons of friends, and a love of her daily activities.  My mom has truly achieved the American Dream.